Run

 

I couldn’t control my parents’ marriage, but I can control myself and the role I play in mine. In order for me to be my best self, I must run.

I started running 27 days ago.

I started running because my husband wants us to run a 5K in November…I hate running.

But I love my husband more, so I downloaded an app to help. The Couch to 5K is a great app because you conquer your goal in small, achievable steps. But, you have to stay consistent. It only requires you to run 3 days a week and for only 30 minutes.

Each day is easier than the last…much like the healing process.

I run early in the morning, though I am not a morning person.
This is my time. I get to see the sunrise and feel better about myself.

I run because I like who I am when I run. 

Running (really most physical activities, but I am highlighting running) makes you stronger, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. You set goals, then you meet those goal, and BOOM! a sense of accomplishment and achievement. You feel like a conqueror, even if it’s just making it to the next mailbox. Running helps me clear my head too. I organize my thoughts in my journal, and then I figure out my plan while I run.

Once you have gone through your cry, replaced hateful thoughts with loving ones, then, you might be ready to hit the road. Everyone has their own process, I had to get to a healthy place emotionally and mentally before my physical body followed.

Perspective

The following are definitions of the word “Perspective”:

– Frame of mind/frame of reference
-True understanding of the relative importance of things
– to look closely

Yes you are hurting,
yes you are bitter,
yes this might be the center of your world, or at least it crumbled the center of your world.

No matter how you spin it, there is much hurt. After you have mourned, I challenge you to really look at the situation.

Your perspective might change when you count your blessings.

I don’t know your situation, but the sooner you realize this is not your battle, the sooner you can move on. You are only responsible for you and how you respond to this hurt.

The beautiful part is your parents are still alive and they still love you.

Better

            

Choice.

That is what it comes down to. You can either be Better or Bitter. Sounds cliche. I know.

But, it’s true.

If you internalize your hurt, it will turn to Bitterness, tainting all of your thoughts and emotions. Resentment, Anger (it’s ok to be angry for a short amount of time, I’m not talk about that, I’m talking about the dangers of Anger controlling you), and sometimes Rage, will follow, and before you know it, you are rotting from the inside out. Everything looks fine on the outside, but your core is hollow, empty of happiness and life.

A. Big. Empty. Void. (like the tree above)

You don’t want that.

It’s your choice, Bitter or Better? Rot or Grow?

If you choose better, you have to make that choice everyday. It’s not just a one time thing.

Here’s a hint…it get’s easier every day.

Ok real talk: I made a decision early in the turmoil of my parent’s divorce that I didn’t want to live my life bitter and angry at my Dad. I didn’t want to risk the chance of those toxic feelings seeping into my own marriage and relationships. Life’s too short to waste it on Bitterness and Anger. Deciding to not be Bitter or Angry, doesn’t mean you’ve let the person hurting you win, it means that you value your life and you want better for your heart and mind.

Mourning Glory

There is a small span of time between the shock of devastating news and when it’s time to start putting yourself back together.

It’s called the “Mourning Period”.

This span of time is crucial to any and every healing process. You must go through it no matter how small or large the hurt.

If you don’t, if you push it off till another day, it will come back with vengeance and wreak havoc on your emotional and mental health.

People don’t like the Mourning Period.

It’s inconvenient.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s required.

Don’t focus on healing. Focus on being sad. Sounds counterproductive right? Well it isn’t. In order to get your heart and your mind ready for healing, you must mourn your loss.  The severity of the tragedy directly related to the time needed to spend here.

During this time, cry, shout, scream, sleep…wallow. Be sad for what you have lost. When I heard about my parent’s divorce, I wailed, screamed and bawled…over and over.

It’s ok. Really, it’s ok to take some time and be sad for the wonderful thing that you’ve lost. It’s. O. K.

It is crucial that you have a support group as they will help you get out of the Mourning Period…but more on that later.

Major tragedy? Check.

Support person/persons? Check

Now go cry.

Words

With every conversation, especially with those who’ve hurt you, you must ask yourself “Is what I am about to say going to hurt or heal?” if the answer is hurt…don’t say it, you will regret it and delay the healing.

Speak life into everyone at every opportunity.

Use your words to create, not destroy.

Water

The grass is always greener where you water it.

Happiness is a choice.

What if you spent as much time on your relationships as you did on facebook?

Relate. Connect. Grow.